厨房

以前，我是一个不择不扣的厨房白痴。别说煮什么菜肴，连切蒜头都有困难。真的不是搞笑！

自从到新加坡来念书以后，就经常想吃妈妈煮的饭菜。即使简简单单的炒菜，我也心满意足。可是大一到大三的我，都是靠着学兄或者朋友们，吃的喝的，都依赖他们。从来都不用我动手，就有饭菜，就有甜品，偶尔还有补品。真是样样俱备！幸福的我，还是看不到学下厨的重要性。

后来大四我们三个女生搬到外头去住，我才开始渐渐会煮饭。虽然，多数的时候，我还是那个袖手旁观的指挥官。可是，每当爱媚和Sock Hoai不在的时候，我就得自己来了。然后，渐渐就觉得有趣。

后来毕业了，我们不再一同住，我更是“悲惨”的只剩下我一人在厨房胡乱发挥。一年多了吧，我都会在周末煮煮饭。因为，我实在太厌倦外头的食物。尤其我家附近的Jurong Point，东西又贵又不好吃，偏偏最靠近的就是它。真的是把我逼到不煮饭都不行。

这样的一年多，我会煮的菜肴也越来越多。偶尔，还同CS交换意见。我经常想象我俩在谈煮菜的时候，一定很像巴杀的auntie一样，这种情景发生在两位25岁和27岁的身上，实在惨不忍睹！不过，就因为这种惨不忍睹的情景，我俩交换的菜肴还真不少。

这个周末很有空，我连要煮的东西都差不多买齐了。

这个周末我煮什么？这个周末我想来点比较西式的。

Appetizer: Fresh green salad with freta cheese and bread crumbs, potato mash with brown sauce

Main dish: Butter garlic chicken

Desserts: 妈妈食谱红豆汤(西式菜肴中式点心）

Drinks：Fresh brewed Bon Cafe Coffee

想了都很爽！哈哈哈哈！

我的自卑

说从没让自己同别人做比较，是骗人的。

从小就有一头莫名其妙的卷发，很卷，甚至比印度人还要卷。虽然爸爸是天生卷发，可是我的卷发显然比他还要厉害，真是青出于蓝。

从小我就有很多花名，全和我那头独一无二的头发有关。虽然多数时候，我都是笑笑面对，可是总不免感到自卑，问自己为什么自己的头发这么不同。还默默的希望有天科技发达，可以让我的头发变直发。虽然今天我们有了离子烫，可是我却从来没尝试。因为我自己知道，烫了会怎么样。

虽然长大了，我明白头发不是一个人成功与否的因素，常常提醒自己不要为了那头毛发感到自卑，可是偶尔上理发院我还是会免不了被理发师气倒。不是一直问我为什么头发那么卷，就是说服我烫直头发，要不然就是剪了头发就“硬硬来”势必用各种各样的发夹发烫把我的头发梳直。仿佛天生卷发是一种罪孽。更生气的是，有时候他们还有点取笑的意思。

中学时代更要命，学生证还印着“天生卷发”。手持着这种学生证，总是被人取笑。如果当年我知道可以用自尊心受损，导致心灵上的困扰种种名堂控告学校，我早就干了！他X的！真希望今天的日新已不再实行这一套。天生卷发不需要你特别标榜。

世上仿佛最能够接受我的卷发的，就是我的家人吧。虽然偶尔也有一些亲戚朋友称赞我这独特的卷发，但我总有点抱着怀疑的心态接受这种好意。总觉得那是一种安慰而已，其实他们肯定觉得我的头发丑到爆。（自信心比较少的人，往往不能够全心全意接受别人的称赞，不管是真心还是假意）

今天的我当然比以前有信心，可是偶尔还是免不了受伤。人是很奇怪的吧……

I hate Lang Lang!

Someone must have hate him so much to make such a funny video!

Can't stop laughing!!! Hahahaha...

Enjoy~

Ravel, Piano Concerto in G by Martha Angerich

为了让大家明白为什么音乐会的第二首曲目不适合华乐演奏，我找来了这个．

如果你觉得懒得看，你至少要看第三乐章．Martha Angerich的手指简直不是人的！　

再看黄河钢琴协奏曲

打从我买了音乐会的票以后，我一直期待这一天的到来。简单的说，我是抱着一种向殷承宗黄河钢琴协奏曲朝拜的心态，赴这场音乐会。

音乐会曲目：
阿莱成的姑娘
第一乐章：田园
第二乐章：间奏曲
第三乐章：小步舞曲
第四乐章：费兰多尔舞曲
一直对从西方古典改编成华乐的歌曲都有所保留，除了卡门以外。可是这首阿莱成的姑娘四个乐章也都非常合适，除了某些原曲以小提琴为主的地方稍微逊色之外，大体上都是很好听。卡门和阿莱成的姑娘都属比才的创作，难道比才的歌曲都比较适合改编成华乐？

Maurice Ravel钢琴协奏曲　（独奏：殷承宗）
1st Movement: Allegramente
2nd Movement: Adagio assai
3rd Movement: Presto
这首的改编就稍微逊色。原曲本来是浪漫主义，很随想的一首曲子。可是套在华乐的身上，有点奇怪。听完以后我总觉得改编是一种浪费。我还是比较喜欢西乐的原曲，收藏的那张CD是属李云迪的演奏。并非要指殷承宗奏得不好，只是一华乐的方式呈现着曲子，始终不太合适。

黄河风情第一组曲
第一乐章：山歌（领奏：笛——林信有/彭天祥；管——韩雷；唢呐——李新桂）
第二乐章：黄河水长流（领奏：笛——尹志阳/曾志）
第三乐章：看秧歌（领奏：唢呐——靳世义）
第四乐章：走西口（领奏：管——韩雷）
第五乐章：闹红火（领奏：笛——尹志阳／林信有／彭天祥／曾志；唢呐——靳世义／李新桂；管——韩雷）
这首曲是一首非常典型的华乐。吵吵闹闹的，欢乐庆典的，对唱的，流水的，都是我们熟悉的音调。虽然不是一首熟悉的歌曲，但是，听起来，就是有我想念的味道。仿佛那陈旧的华乐室里，那股湿气，乐器带有树木的味道，从未离开过我。而我也从未离开那个地方。这首曲子第三乐章最特别。由我们熟悉的靳世义老师吹的唢呐和口哨，像两个“大声公”在对话，再加上靳世义老是那一脸丰富的表情，台下的观众都被他逗乐。很是可爱。

黄河　（独奏：殷承宗）
第一乐章：黄河船夫曲
第二乐章：黄河颂
第三乐章：黄河愤
第四乐章：保卫黄河
这首就是我买票的原因，就是我朝拜的目的地。第一次近距离以视觉听觉感受黄河钢琴协奏曲，我只能说，我都差点忘了呼吸。黄河的汹涌澎湃，完全呈现在眼前。再加上曾经演奏这首曲子，自小被爸爸用革命精神洗脑，我对这首曲子是有点情意结。第四乐章：保卫黄河非常的激昂，我只知道我的泪水已经在眼里打滚，只是控制着不让它流下。到了东方红那一段，我觉得我的身体已经秉直，呼吸已经有点困难，心跳也加速。（题外话：东方红是一个遗憾，我们从来未演奏这一段，相信是政治因素吧。）演奏接近尾声的时候，我其实已经分不清楚，究竟我的激动完全是因为我对这首歌的回忆，还是这场演出实在让人感动。可是，当演奏完毕，我看见指挥叶聪从指挥台阶跳下来拥抱殷承宗的时候，我知道，激动的不仅仅是我一人。
观众也非常热情，这是我从未在新加坡感受的热情。指挥和殷承宗谢幕了再谢幕，观众还是拍烂了手掌不放弃，最后，还站了起来，以示支持。
最后，不敌观众的热情，还是安歌了。不瞒你说，当时我暗暗的不高兴，为什么安歌了。听起来奇怪，不是安歌了觉得票价更值得吗？我当时觉得，那个结束的感觉太好了，很想就这样保留着那个时光。安歌了第四乐章的一小部分，破坏了。

虽然曾经演出黄河扬琴协奏曲，大概是当年年纪太小，除了觉得歌曲非常挑战之外，并没有这种感觉。２００５年在北京观赏殷承宗的黄河钢琴协奏曲，也没有昨晚的激动，或许音乐厅并非最好的，而且，当时我也坐的太远。可能，我还是太年轻。

或许这是最后一次观赏黄河钢琴协奏曲了。

保卫黄河，就在时空停留住。　

Detach

I mentioned about detach from desires and wants. Of course, like any other things in the world, it is always easier to say than do. Don't you think so?

Hm... Maybe not.

I let my thoughts wandered around the things that had happened in my life, those past "achievements" (They might not be achievements in your point of view, but they were the moments I felt joy) that I have had. These achievements, they seem to be incidents that caught me in surprises when they came to me. They always got my feet jumping in the air, or secretly drawing a smile of my face when I turned around... I always thought I was plainly, very lucky!

Not until I found that these "achievements", they have a same denominator. Before revealing what is the common ground of these achievements, please allow me to share some of the moments.

I won a price in Solo for Plucking Instrument in 1999. That little prize, had got on my nerves! Yes, I was very happy to be able to win one, but I was so afraid if the judges would let me get into finals, plainly because I was never prepared for it, I can't even memorize the score of the song that I submitted as final. Lucky or unlucky, I got into semifinals only. I never prepared for the prize.

I have been to two scholarship interviews after the release of STPM results. One will think I'm a weirdo, but I want to tell you, I kinda... liked to be interviewed. I enjoyed both scholarship interviews, ASEAN and Hong Kong Baptist University. Both U offered totally different courses. ASEAN offered me the Materials Science and Engineering in NTU while HK Baptist University offered me Mass Communication (Journalist Study). To my surprise, HKBU offered me the scholarship the very evening after my interview in the afternoon. I was very delighted, although I rejected at the end of it. I never prepared for this, I applied scholarships just for trying out purpose.

The above and many others, are things that totally caught me off guarded, in a good way of course. Like I mentioned earlier, I have always thought I was plainly lucky.

But come to think of it, I was actually working hard towards them. Take the solo competition as an example. I didn't prepare myself for winning a solo competition, but I trained and practiced very hard for the Orchestral competition. I love music, I love my JSCO, I love them so much, I dedicated 90% of my teenager time to them. All the training, practices, dedications, were the preparation for the prize after all, without me realizing that.

Isn't that an example of detaching? I think it is. At least to me.

Maybe that's a moment of "enlightened", I realize the desire to something, will not get you there, but a dedication to a value will.

I found myself smiling when I realized this.

Slow Down

Ever thought of why on earth do we have to walk so fast? Especially those who live in Singapore like me. Have you ever thought, even just once, why are you walking so fast? Why can't we take a deep breathe and walk slowly, and look at the scenery that surrounds us? Even though they're just buses and people, there must be something interesting hiding somewhere.

Why can't we spend more time thinking of the works and projects that we're doing, planning them and organizing them before dip our heads into the deadlines and URGENCY?

Efficient!

Multi-tasking!

These two words have been conquering our daily lives. Take a close look at those recruitments, qualities that they're looking for--MULTI-TASKING. Have any one of us take a look into dictionary and get a closer understanding what is efficient? And how does it differ from effective?

Efficient:
performing or functioning in the best possible manner with the least waste of time and effort; having and using requisite knowledge, skill, and industry

Effective:
adequate to accomplish a purpose; producing the intended or expected result

My "england" is not very "powderful", but I know if I were a boss, I should look for effectiveness.

I was walking slowly this afternoon towards the ever boring Jurong Point to buy some meat to cook Bak Kut Teh for dinner. I was walking very slow because I just had my shower, and I don't want to sweat under the super hot sun. But what I realized was, people were walking past me, some showed very impatient faces as if the pace I walked will cost them a million dollar. They're walking as if they're catching a bus or MRT to work. But, COME ON people, this is Sunday!!

I feel sad for people who live in city, a busy one like Singapore, including myself. We've forgotten how to live a life, instead we had just let the life taken us. And then complaining we have no lives?

Come on...

There were times I walked so fast even though I was out on a date with Yee Hau. Sometimes he would hold me back, sometimes I would hold him back.

It saddens me how sometimes we've forgotten we can relax our muscles, and live.

Remember how I did say that when you've achieved your purposes of life, the person in-charged of deaths will take you away? Well... Don't rush. Take your time, make every second, every little things you do a meaningful and quality ones, rather than compete among each other how many things we've achieved.

If you caught me walking too fast, hold me back. I don't want to die young.

(Perhaps this is how the Cantonese come up with 赶住去投胎么... I think this must be the reason behind)

灵魂拥抱

“暢銷作家俞培文很久沒有過得這麼轟轟烈烈了，但他不明白為什麼他身上同時存在著好的知名度與壞的知名度？他甚至懷疑這些彼此矛盾的『俞培文』，到底哪個真實，哪個才是虛幻？而起因只是一個天外飛來的意外──那篇不是他寫的文章〈靈魂的擁抱〉。

他也想過要召開緊急記者會，大張旗鼓地宣布〈靈魂的擁抱〉不是他寫的；但整個社會的氛圍都認定了〈靈魂的擁抱〉就是『俞培文』的代表作，這樣急著出面否 認的意義是什麼？他會被認為是一個忠於自我的作者，或者因此被視為是一個無所不用其極炒作知名度的作者？是『默認』比較流俗呢？還是『否認』更加媚 俗？……

藉由名氣與符號，人們認識世界，探索彼此。但為了滿足慾望，我們卻又無情地操縱、扭曲這些象徵。我們能在扭曲中保有自身的靈魂嗎？抑或生命註定要迷失在這些虛實莫測的象徵裡？

繼《白色巨塔》探討權力、《危險心靈》探討教育，侯文詠再次以簡潔、乾淨的風格寫出戲劇張力十足的寫實小說。《靈魂擁抱》探討的是『名氣』，以文壇和媒體生態為背景，在驚悚情節中引出人生的困惑與矛盾，讓閱讀充滿多樣化的樂趣與省思。”

从《顽皮故事集》开始认识这位麻醉医师，就一直读着他的书，觉得他是一位很有趣的麻醉医师。从图书馆的《皇冠杂志》得悉原来去年侯文咏出版了这本叫《灵魂拥抱》的书，这么巧在多美歌的商务书局看到了，就很理所当然的买了。

我并不打算在这里给一个463页的浓缩版《灵魂拥抱》，况且从上文你也大概可以估计这故事围绕着什么。这故事基本上充满了矛盾，人性的矛盾，对名誉、欲望、道德的种种矛盾。一种中的情形之下，描写每个人要在社会的观点和自己的需要之下找出平衡。

有时看得气了，还会把书随手扔在床上，稍微爬网，可是没一下子，我又把书拿起，紧张的跟随剧情的高潮迭起，同追看连续剧没两样。就这样，没几天的功夫，我就把书看完了。

虽然还是比较喜欢侯文咏的短篇故事、散文等，可是无可否认他的长篇总有让人追看下去的魅力。即使故事那么让人生气，你还是想看。

值得看吗？见仁见智，我本身喜欢。

The Last Lecture

I've just finished reading The Last Lecture, one of the book that I've bought on Saturday. I know I should be sleeping by now as I'm still recovering from my sickness, but I do feel like I want to blog about it before going to bed.

The Last Lecture is about how a lecturer who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer lived his life, before and after he and his family learned about his cancer. And he gave his last lecture of his life in the university. So the book was actually a record of what he had shared in the lecture.

It doesn't sound very special or interesting. In fact, Tuesdays with Morrie had done a better job in terms of giving inspirational thoughts. However, the optimistism and passion to life of the man, Randy, was the one main thing, that we need to learn from him, that we need to remind ourselves with, from time to time.

I'm a person who thought about death a lot. Enough for me to analyse what are the easier path to commit suicide, without much pain, and think of what letters should one leave for the loved ones before committing suicide. But not enough for me to commit one myself, because I found no reason to leave the world. Especially with all the things that I love and treasure every minute I live.

I thought about death a lot, that I teared every time I think about how painful it will be if any of my loved ones leave me one day. I know this is something that we cannot avoid, but I am in no position to handle this. I never know how to handle death. I experienced it, and I never loved it. I can't even take a death of my grandmother's dog, Ben, what more a person I love.

I thought about death a lot, that I am afraid that the loved ones will be hurt, if I happened to leave one day. I can't imagine what kind of pain one have to go through. I hope when this day happen, my loved ones, be it family, partner, friends, relatives, colleagues, will support each other to get through.

I thought about death a lot, that I have been wonder, who is the person in charged of the deaths of all beings. Does this person in charged check whether the person who is dying fulfill his/her purpose of life before sending him/her through death? I always assume this process happen when we die. Perhaps the in charged will check on our records, make sure we will not die for nothing, to ensure we have done something in our life, that fulfill the purpose of bringing us here to the world.

This is a reason why, I feel it is vital to find out the true purpose of our life. But as I learn from books from Deepak Chopra, we have to detach from all these wants and desires, then we will eventually get there. I do not know how to put in more inspirational words, you will just have to read them if you want to know.

Finding purpose is one thing, fulfilling them, is another task. What if I fulfill them when I'm 20? Will they sentence my death at age 20? Have you ever heard of some "rules" at work that says "If you're given a job that you can finish in one week, but you're given a month time, don't ever finish them in one week. Submit them after 3 weeks, you're still working way efficient than what the boss expects."

There are two ways to look at this statement. First, don't rush things through. Second, perhaps we have more than one purpose in life. So keep things rolling on.

I guess by doing that, the death will not come when it isn't the time. I hope.

I have thought a lot about death, that I have even looked for books that talked about euthanasia.

I found Denial of Soul by M. Scott Peck. I borrowed from library but couldn't finish it within 3 weeks because it's way too heavy to read about death everyday.

I think I would chose this path if one day I think I need to die with dignity, without imposing any burden to my loved ones. Perhaps when the time comes, I will have to migrate to any country which has more flexible perspective to euthanasia and to die peacefully.

But all these, they are just thoughts. Death cannot be planned, at least for sudden deaths.

What is more important, is to live, with passion.

And I'm going to remind myself with this, every single day.

If you ask me what is the conclusion after reading the book, well, I would say, give it a try, it's inspiring in some ways.

太不称职了

要到煮饭的时候，才发现米不够用

*晕*

Plainly Rotting

So, I'm not fully recovered yet. Thanks to Kean Ping for offering me medicine (till he graduates :D)~

Anyway, I'm not the kind of person who can sit still at home for 3 DAYS! After a day of hiding myself in bed with the official MC, I have decided, I had too much!

Yesterday, I have a very valid reason to visit the town. As of what is the valid reason, I perfer not to say till I have any positive results. Lets pray.

I have to go all the way to Dhoby Ghaut for that valid reason, after finishing my task of the day, very important one, I wandered alone along the street. And with no surprise, I ended up in a bookshop at the basement of Cathay. And no surprise again, I bought two books.

Then, I bury my head into the book at Starbucks with a cup of green tea latte and a piece of small small cake. When the time's up, I went to meet up with Yee Hau to have meal together. I complained to him earlier on, that we had spent too much time on ourselves. I need time to be together!

So, my complaints are approved so we went paktor. Hahaha...

How often you see Wei Wei in long skirt like this? :P

We ended up in a Hong Kong Cafe called "C Nai Cafe" when we strolled along East Coast Park because we saw this!

I really like Hong Kong, because they always come with very creative names. 黑白两道，乳你同酪，喷火椒盐鸡，香蕉飞仙……I just love it! We only ordered 黑白两道 and 乳你同酪 as we just had dinner not too long ago.

That's all for my weekend then, it's time to prepare my dinner :)