The Last Lecture

I've just finished reading The Last Lecture, one of the book that I've bought on Saturday. I know I should be sleeping by now as I'm still recovering from my sickness, but I do feel like I want to blog about it before going to bed.

The Last Lecture is about how a lecturer who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer lived his life, before and after he and his family learned about his cancer. And he gave his last lecture of his life in the university. So the book was actually a record of what he had shared in the lecture.

It doesn't sound very special or interesting. In fact, Tuesdays with Morrie had done a better job in terms of giving inspirational thoughts. However, the optimistism and passion to life of the man, Randy, was the one main thing, that we need to learn from him, that we need to remind ourselves with, from time to time.

I'm a person who thought about death a lot. Enough for me to analyse what are the easier path to commit suicide, without much pain, and think of what letters should one leave for the loved ones before committing suicide. But not enough for me to commit one myself, because I found no reason to leave the world. Especially with all the things that I love and treasure every minute I live.

I thought about death a lot, that I teared every time I think about how painful it will be if any of my loved ones leave me one day. I know this is something that we cannot avoid, but I am in no position to handle this. I never know how to handle death. I experienced it, and I never loved it. I can't even take a death of my grandmother's dog, Ben, what more a person I love.

I thought about death a lot, that I am afraid that the loved ones will be hurt, if I happened to leave one day. I can't imagine what kind of pain one have to go through. I hope when this day happen, my loved ones, be it family, partner, friends, relatives, colleagues, will support each other to get through.

I thought about death a lot, that I have been wonder, who is the person in charged of the deaths of all beings. Does this person in charged check whether the person who is dying fulfill his/her purpose of life before sending him/her through death? I always assume this process happen when we die. Perhaps the in charged will check on our records, make sure we will not die for nothing, to ensure we have done something in our life, that fulfill the purpose of bringing us here to the world.

This is a reason why, I feel it is vital to find out the true purpose of our life. But as I learn from books from Deepak Chopra, we have to detach from all these wants and desires, then we will eventually get there. I do not know how to put in more inspirational words, you will just have to read them if you want to know.

Finding purpose is one thing, fulfilling them, is another task. What if I fulfill them when I'm 20? Will they sentence my death at age 20? Have you ever heard of some "rules" at work that says "If you're given a job that you can finish in one week, but you're given a month time, don't ever finish them in one week. Submit them after 3 weeks, you're still working way efficient than what the boss expects."

There are two ways to look at this statement. First, don't rush things through. Second, perhaps we have more than one purpose in life. So keep things rolling on.

I guess by doing that, the death will not come when it isn't the time. I hope.

I have thought a lot about death, that I have even looked for books that talked about euthanasia.

I found Denial of Soul by M. Scott Peck. I borrowed from library but couldn't finish it within 3 weeks because it's way too heavy to read about death everyday.

I think I would chose this path if one day I think I need to die with dignity, without imposing any burden to my loved ones. Perhaps when the time comes, I will have to migrate to any country which has more flexible perspective to euthanasia and to die peacefully.

But all these, they are just thoughts. Death cannot be planned, at least for sudden deaths.

What is more important, is to live, with passion.

And I'm going to remind myself with this, every single day.

If you ask me what is the conclusion after reading the book, well, I would say, give it a try, it's inspiring in some ways.