I grew up under her shadow

I'm going to reveal a little secret of myself here. It may not be a secret to all of you, but it is, to me at least.

I grew up under her shadow, but it never changed the fact that she's my loving sister and I always love her so much. And I will love her forever.

Ying, she is a very intelligent woman. She's confident, positive, caring, passion and loving. She's smart and successful. She has a clear mind of what she wants and never stop working on it. She's always the best sister for me and my brother. She brings happiness to all of us! I felt lonely when she was away studying in Uni.

She's my idol in real life. I "followed" whatever she did when I was little. I developed her thoughts in me unconsciously. There was once, I felt so hurt that I teared and teared, when she told me she was wrong, she wanted me to learn from her mistakes. I cried so hard for her mistake. I cried so hard, that she's wrong for the first time of my life. Because to me, she's always right.

I grew up under her shadow. Teachers in school, whom taught her before, tend to make comparisons between the two of us. I still remember how hurt I felt, when one of the teacher I hated the most said:"Your sister was very good in maths. You're... work harder". I hated him!

Some relatives couldn't believe that I could strike As in exams when I did. I used to hear phrases like, "Ying is better". Until one day, maybe the grown ups started to realize I actually understand what they said.

I remember the "threat" I felt before En came into the world. There was once, grandpa asked me how I felt for having a little brother soon. I forgot my reply. But I never forget his. "Your dad will love your sister, and your mom will love your brother. They will not have time for you." I was 9, I couldn't differentiate whether that's a joke or some truth. I'm lucky my parents are as loving as ever. But, the fear of being abandoned always stay in me.

(Sorry, out of the topic)

I grew up under her shadow. Until one day, I forgot why, when, how, I realize I'm a different person from Ying. No doubt, we have a lot of similarities. But it will not change the fact that I'm not her shadow.

Then, I start to "develop" on my own. The real me.

Ying, I love you. You're always the best sister for me. You taught me a lot. You taught me how to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good person. You taught me that I'm special, at least to my loved ones. You taught me passion and love. You taught me, maths.

I'm always very thankful I have my parents. I must have done something good in my past life. They're the best thing we can ever have. They're loving, understanding, and good in parenting.

En, I love you too. I wish you will not grow up under our shadows. I hope to see you to be a better person than I do. I hope to see you success.

I'm crying as I'm writing this post. Finally, I have the guts to reveal this. To dare to grow out of the shadow, to dare to say this, doesn't mean I don't love Ying anymore. It simply means I finally successfully grow out from the old me. (I know Ying will understand this.)

Finally, I'm growing up on my own.

Finally, I dare to admit, I was wrong.