Life

I'm not very good in expressing my feelings in English, but lately I'm just too lazy to write in Chinese. Sorry...

I'm in my 4th week of working life. My boss had given me my FIRST task ever, and all of the sudden, I felt something in me. I ponder for a while, this is familiar. The "energetic" level! I had this when I was doing my internship in Beijing. I felt all the same, except with the blocked nose and frequent coughs.

All of the sudden, I feel so grown up. I'm dealing with my savings, salary, investments (hopefully), sales, groceries (like auntie!), house moving problems etc... Things that did not require so much attention from me, Things that I did not have to deal or rather do not have to deal in this seriousness level. Last but not least, growing. Growing spiritually.

I was reflecting back on my uni life last week. And after some thoughts, I walked into my housemate, and I asked her "Do you ever feel your uni life is a bit pathetic?" She said yes. I was relief that someone feels the same as me. But at the same time, I "pity" people like us.

I have images of vibrant life in uni before entering it. I imagined myself surrounded by interesting activities, which members fully devoted themselves into it; I imagined myself busy coping with studies and activities and lab works with bunch of closed friends and course mates. I imagined, all the vibrant life!

My uni life, is everything opposite from what I have just mentioned. I was shocked to realize that uni students seldom 100% involved in the clubs they joined. Instead, we joined a few to earn points so that we can stay in hostel. I learned that my course provided minimum lab works and practical works for students. I learned that, the class was too big, I couldn't simply get closed to my cohorts.

I learned all the negative facts of my first perception to the uni, and I kept all these views in myself. To a point, I shielded myself from people. I became sort of a social porcupine.

I was again, shocked when I reflected to the memories of my uni life, that I was a pathetic scholar. A student whom know only notes and tutorials and wasting time watching meaningless drama in the room. Pathetic! I told myself.

There's no one to be blamed because I simply put myself into such situation. I could have live a better and more vibrant life. Instead, I chose to stick to my few closed friends whom I know they share the similar values (never regret that I've made closed friends, but I should have made more friends instead), I chose to be the homey girl who cannot wait to fly back home every single holiday she has (never regret of this though).

Today, I again hesitated to make a move to ask a colleague to clear my queries. Wth! But, I finally managed to clear my throat and walk in front of a group of chit chatting colleagues. But due to my very low level of confidence and also sickening voice, I've been "ignored" at certain sense. Luckily another nice colleague came up to help. I felt so thankful. When I got back into my seat, I said to myself, PLEASE TALK OUT CLEARLY NEXT TIME!

Suddenly, I feel so grown up.

Life is meaningful only when we learn how to solve problems, and grow with it.